The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
