Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
