Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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