i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
