mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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