I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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