dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
false alarm. still invincible.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
