Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
His hands were made for my vagina.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
