she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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