It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
