Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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