3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
