Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
