it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
