i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
