YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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