Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
