I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize