I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
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