man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
