idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
