I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
