I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
