your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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