now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
