dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize