so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
