I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
