I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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