White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
