How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
