remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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