Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
