Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
