we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
