one might say we're banned from that church
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
