Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
