i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
