Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
