The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
