i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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