What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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