My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
only if we run a train.
done.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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