We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
as a side note pls kill me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
