if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
