I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
