Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
