And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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