is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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