You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
