I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
