she woke up with a sticky ear
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you will always have a special place in my vag
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
