the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
