Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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