also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
