Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
