piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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