She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
