I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You've changed since you got that strap on
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
