now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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