Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
