I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
