dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
