we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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