Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
