Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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