So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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