I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
