Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize