and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
