I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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